Paranoia, Egocentric, Mean Self-talk

Not sure if you knew this or not but I am a very important person. In fact I am so important that you are reading this right now, and you read every single post combing it for mistakes. You also are one of my colleagues or future employers looking for ways to sabotage me, shocked at how risque my language is and that I have a blog where I bitch and get angry. I am so important because I know you think about me all the time, and that I have the power to drastically impact your mood and your day. This might be a stretch in reality, but in my head I am the most powerful, influential person on the earth and it is awful.
I don't know what medicine would call it. People reading this would probably call it narcissism or insanity. I call it uncomfortable and cunning. My therapist calls it perfectionism and codependency. It sucks.
I am always bouncing back between really overly important and grand (way awesomer than you!) and really really worthless. Sometimes I am both at the same time. It creates this internal blitzkrieg of opposing forces that are way to chaotic and random for the small space they occupy.
To top it off what I tell myself is fairly harsh. I am my own drill sergent standing tall and mean over my own scurrying body. "You call that a meal? A five year old could cook that." If I say something to another person and they don't give me the response I expect "Why would you say something like that? That is retarded... no body likes you they are all going to end up gone because you are so awkward. The only friends you keep are the ones that live far away because they don't have to spend so much awkward time with you" The strange thing is, this negative self talk is so subconscious!! (I just misspelled subconscious and had to correct it and drill sergent Marga told me I can't ever spell anything right)... I don't even realize it is happening. It's like the whispering advisor in Lord of the rings to King Theoden (I had to google this I'm not that big of a geek... The visual stuck with me obviously) so cunning, so powerful... how the hell did that guy get power over the king in the first place??? That's what I want to know... the same way I want to know where the self-talk came from and why it has such a grasp on me.

This probably sounds all very strange and even schizophrenic but it's not... We all have a conscience that tells us what to do, mine just has a really cruel twin sister that has developed and taken over. I want her dead. Now how to get there is another story.